Thursday, October 11, 2012
My Hysterical Uterus
I've been feeling sort of crummy lately. Off and on, sometimes more on than off, over the past several years. I'm not one to go to a doctor unless I HAVE to, and I went to the doctor this week.
It's hard being a girl. Our bodies tend to occasionally become our enemy, and mine was getting really angry. So I went in to talk about what I can do to get some relief (and relieve my hubby and kids as well from the monster I become), all the while thinking my "condition" was normal to a middle-aged woman.
Well, then I was sent in for an ultrasound. No biggie, right? I've had lots of pelvic ultrasounds. I was pregnant for two years! So I go in like it's no big deal. She performs the ultrasound and then tells me to strip down waist down for my vaginal ultrasound. Wha?!?!
Oh my God. The
torture device they use for this looks like it comes from the novelty section of an adult toy store. I was not ready for that. Ew. Again, it's hard being a girl. You have to lay there looking at the ceiling while the tech (thank GOD it was a girl--can you imagine?) probes around your lady bits, looking at her screen and pressing buttons occasionally, asking you how old your kids are, if you like the cooler weather, blah blah blah. Nightmare.
Anyway, after that minor
assault exam, I was sent home to wait for my doctor visit 9 days later to discuss the results.
But it wasn't 9 days. They called me a couple hours later with this message: "the results of your ultrasound confirmed fibroid tumors and the doctor would like to bump your visit up to this Wednesday."
Creepy, right? Those of you that have been through this probably don't think it's that creepy, but again--I don't go to doctors. So I'm of course thinking, holycrapIhavecancerandtheyareabouttotellmeIhavesixmonthstolive.
But I don't. I'm just old, and have a ratty, used up, fibroid-filled, wartlike uterus. Nothing like feeling like the outside of your body is unappealing, and then to be told that your insides are unappealing as well. Gross!
So I'm getting a HYSTERECTOMY. My first thought was, "hysterical!" So I googled the origin of the word (this is from Wiki Answers):
"Hysterectomy" is the surgical removal of the uterus (womb). The word "Hysterectomy" (termed in 1879) comes from the root word "hyster" referring to the womb and "ectomy" meaning removal.
The reason the root word "hyster" refers to the womb is derivative of the word "hysteria" based on the sexist assumption that the womb itself caused uncontrollable, emotional behavior.
I have an issue with this description. I don't think it's that sexist. At least for me. My warty womb HAS caused me uncontrollable, emotional behavior! And my Female Hysteria IS a real, psychological disorder! This description, and therefore the origin of the word, is right on, as far as I'm concerned.
I'm now waiting for the scheduler to call to set up my pre-op. Hopefully I'll be getting this lovely thing over with in the next couple weeks. Well, then there's the 8-week recovery period...
Oh--and to add insult to injury, there is a new, less-invasive, method of doing this surgery. Yay! Well, I'm not eligible for this. It seems that after the C-section my bladder latched on to my warty uterus with a bunch of scar tissue, so now they're making this a major surgery. Yay me! Yay my warty uterus!
Ugh. It's hard to be a girl.