Today we begin the task of planning his service and notifying his friends and family. Two gentlemen from the funeral home came last night and took my dad's body out, and the living room is quiet. I'm hoping the hospice people will come collect the hospital bed and all the equipment today. My mom does not need all that stuff sitting there. My family was surrounding my mom last night after the passing, and I was so relieved we were all here, helping her through those moments. Her strength was again inspiring, and so was the pain she was feeling. She did get some sleep last night, and she actually just finished making a "kid coffee" for J. Gramma duties must go on, I suppose.
Yesterday hubby brought my kids to me. He had to work the overnight shift, and we were able to get the guest apartment suite that's right down the hall for the night, so we decided to have them come over here for a sleepover with mom. We didn't know last night would be the night, but everything came together and the whole family was able to be here last night, so maybe that's why my dad decided to finally let go. But A and J were here when it happened, and they ended up sitting on my lap as we held dad's hand, watching his breathing slow then stop. I kept thinking in the corner of my mind, "am I doing the right thing? Should I have them right here?" But there was nothing I could do about it. Asking them to be in a different room would only frighten them, and I was right there with them. They were devastated. They felt his loss immediately, and I felt broken as I sat there holding them. Why have they had to lose so many loved ones, why have they had to see what they've already seen in their young lives? It's so unfair, so cruel. I only hope it helps them understand loss and pain, grieving and mourning, as well as learning that life goes on and that our new normal can be beautiful too. But I will have to watch them carefully to see how they process all of this. And looking back, I'm so happy they're with me. I was able to sleep in the same room with them last night, with Nephew1 curled up on the floor next to their bed. It was amazing and touching to watch how the four grandboys dealt with their loss last night, and I believe a giant tribute to how tight my family is. How strong we all are, and how much we all mean to one another.
I hope as my dad is looking down at us this morning he is proud and satisfied. His was a job well done, in the end. Look at us all, dad. Look at us loving each other and doing our best to honor you and the the man you were. Watch us living our lives the way you want us to, remembering to laugh when we remember you. Help us to be strong and to find our way through the coming weeks. You will always be in our hearts. We have mom. I know you wanted us to take care of her and watch over her, dad, and we will. But you have made sure she will be able to live her life comfortably, and you know how tough she is. She's going to be fine. We all are. But we miss you. I will watch for you in the wind, I will watch for you on the water, and I will listen for you in the quiet.