Friday, October 7, 2011

Random Observations from a Tired Woman

Yesterday was an amazing day.  It was really long and exhausting, but an amazing day.

I started the day with a bowl of Boo Berry cereal.  I saw that and the Count Chocula out at Target because they're all ready for Halloween.  The reason I feel the need to mention it is this:  it's not so good.  I think I had a memory of it being awesome from my childhood.  I don't think I had very many tastebuds back then, because it sort of tastes like packing material.  But it was food (sort of), and I knew I should eat something before I faced my dad's funeral.

Then we headed out to mom's.  Hubby had to drive separately because he drove dad's motorcycle in the procession, so he had to drive that out there.  We met up there and headed over to the funeral home together.  I felt like I was going to throw up.  I don't know if the Boo Berry was such a good idea.  But it ended up fine, it was just nerves.  The funeral was lovely.  There were so many people there, such an amazing tribute to dad.  He had so many people that loved him, so many that were affected in a very positive way by him.  A bunch of people showed up from his work, and they brought a shined-up plow truck.  He was the superintendent of the county highway department shop.  He would have LOVED that.  It drove in the procession right in front of the coach.  We had a very nice lunch at the funeral home, plenty of time to visit with all the relatives and friends, and the interment at the cemetery was amazing.  He had the gun salute, the taps, the works.  And they handed my mom the flag, which was just heart breaking to watch, but beautiful too.  We all headed over to my brother and SIL1's house for a while to decompress, and then the day was over.

At the funeral, there were a few moments that are sticking with me.  Two of my dear friends from high school came to the funeral.  It warmed my heart so much to see them there--they have always been two of my favorite people, and it's funny how time doesn't change that.  How you can go months, even years, without seeing people and then it's as if you've been getting together every weekend for years.  I think that's the sign of true friendship, and I'm so grateful for their support.  I really was touched.  I saw my cousins.  One of them has also been one of my best friends in my life, and over the recent years we have grown apart, simply because of life.  Parenting, life and family drama, and time.  As I get older I notice that time seems to pass by faster and faster.  You don't call someone for a couple weeks, and in the blink of an eye it's a couple years.  I can't believe how that happens and it saddens me that it does.  We were so happy to see each other and are going to try to not let the distance happen again.

I was also reminded of that old cliche that it's sad how all these people who love each other only get together at funerals, weddings, and the occasional class reunion.  Our lives are so busy, people, and I wish there was a way to slow way down and make more time for the things that really matter.  It shouldn't be this difficult!  I know it is, though.  I have abandoned my own life for several weeks, and I can't believe how much I feel I've missed in that time.  Not to mention I now have to catch up with everything and don't know how to fit everything in with birthdays and holidays staring me in the face.  But I really am going to try to pay more attention to seeing my friends and family.

During the ceremony yesterday, there was time for people to come up and speak about their memories of my dad, and several people did.  I heard stories that were new to me and stories that brought back old and somewhat embarrassing memories.  It was great.  But I was also struck by how much there was to my dad that I probably didn't know, and didn't take the time to find out.  I have regrets that I didn't make more time for him, that I let some of my junk from the past get in the way of learning more about a truly fascinating person.  And I was thinking about how multi-dimensional we all are, and how we all are sort of compartmentalized.  There's our parenting selves, our spouse or partner selves, our friend selves, our work selves, and the list goes on.  Not many people in our lives get to know more than a couple sides of us, and I suppose that's normal.  I don't know why I'm rambling about this, I just find it fascinating.    And sort of cool.

It's Friday today.  I've been looking forward to this for several days.  The funeral is over.  I can breathe, I can rest.  I can clean my house.  I don't know if I will today, but I can.  I think I'm going to get the kids on the bus and then go back to bed.  Or at least to the couch and fall asleep to the tv.  After I call my mom.  Yesterday when I was apart from her I found myself super uncomfortable.  I get so worried about her being alone, and I feel twitchy when I'm not with her looking after her.  I must be sort of irritating to her.  But she went home first yesterday from my brother's house.  She was so tired.  She was absolutely a champ yesterday.  It was inspiring.  She was strong and gracious, and I was immensely proud of her.  But I can't stop worrying about her.  She said to me yesterday as she was leaving, "I have to grow up sometime."  So I guess I have to leave her alone a little bit.  Sister was over there last night, and her best friend was right down the hall, so she wasn't alone all night.  But she will be tonight.  She'll be fine.  But I can't stop worrying.  I think I will give them all space today, let my mom have some breathing room, but I'm definitely calling over there this morning.  Then I will be able to relax today.  Finally.

Anyone who's reading this who was at the funeral yesterday or who followed this sad journey:  Thank you.  A million times, thank you.  You all were my support system, and I seriously could not have held it together without all the love I felt from my friends and family.  Thank you thank you thank you.

1 comment:

  1. You just bring tears to my eyes every time. I've been thinking of you and your family. You are such an amazing mom, daughter, wife, friend...etc. Thanks for letting us into your life. I'm here if you need anything at all!
    Jennifer D