Thursday, October 13, 2011

Halloween or Pole Dancing?

Maybe there is a short time in our lives as young women when we might think Halloween could be a good time to dress up in a sexy costume.  It is probably tacky and a bit ridiculous, but we probably think it's sexy at the time.  I seem to recall trying to be a sexy witch one time, and I also went as a cheerleader from my old high school once.  That's about as risky as I got.

But I have a bone to pick today, and I don't know who to pick it with, so I'm just whining about it here.  As I've mentioned before, I have a party to go to this Saturday.  It's a costume party to celebrate Nephew5's birthday.  We all look forward to it every year, and a big reason is to see everyone all dressed up.  Usually in humorous costumes.  Never in sexy costumes.  Of course, there's a few women who come to the party every year that are beautiful anyway, so they end up looking sexy no matter what, but it's not their fault.  Each year is a bit of a struggle trying to come up with an idea.  It's a fun struggle, but a struggle.  It's so easy for the kids.  Except I have to sort of help with the costumes they pick out.  At least the decision's made, though.

So I've been out shopping Halloween stores and Halloween sections of big stores.  And I've encountered a very irritating trend:  When did Halloween become a holiday meant just for strippers?  I cannot believe how every costume for an adult woman (and many of the ones for little girls, as creepy as it is) is morphed into something slutty.  Really, it's almost offensive, and I'm no prude.  There's the almost traditional sexy nurse:

This is pretty tame.  There was also the sexy pirate wench, the Playboy bunny, the sexy lady cop, the naughty Dorothy from Wizard of Oz, and the old-fashioned sexy cat costumes.  But then there are some interesting newer choices:

There's the sexy angel (there's something very wrong with this idea):

And then there's the creepy idea of the sexy schoolgirl, and other disturbing things.

I decided to go another direction, and try to find something more traditionally "Halloween-ish."  You know, something sort of scary.  I have been a witch many times.  Partly because what's more Halloween-y than a witch?, and mostly because my witch hat is really fun to wear and my cape is very comfortable.  So I figured I'd go traditional. I even considered being a ghost with an old sheet, or maybe the Charlie Brown ghost with all the holes, but I don't have a white sheet, and didn't want to buy one just to wreck.  I'm thinking maybe I should have . . .  Because here's some traditional and scarier women's costumes that I found:

Here's Little Red Riding Hood.  This must be after the wolf got ahold of her.  Apparently the wolf had some zombie blood in it, because this is the undead Little Red Riding Hood who tramps through the forest in spike heels, a mini skirt, and unfortunate stockings.

Over here we have Freddie Krueger.  I'm all about gender equality, people, so I'm okay with having a female Freddie.  But the male Freddy was HARDLY sexy.  In fact, he was hideous.  That was the whole  point to his character, wasn't it?  I don't think this little tart would cause anybody to have any nightmares.

So then I figured I'd look for some zombie stuff.  A is really into zombies these days, he's being a "zombie doctor", so I thought maybe I'd be a zombie patient.  I could still figure that out, probably, but here is the store version of a zombie costume for women!  Isn't that hilarious?

But here's the best one.  Not only was I amused that they had this kind of costume for females anyway, but their idea of it was so crazy I had to call the sister and holler about it right there in the middle of the store.  Here, ladies and gentlemen, is the good old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Holy cow.  Stick a fork in me, people, I'm done.  I'm going as a witch.  I got a blue wig just so that it's a slightly different version of a witch.  I am a 40-year old woman who has had two kids.  I do not own a tiny leather miniskirt to wear with my witch hat.  Or fishnet stockings.  Or thigh-high spike vinyl boots.  Or a sparkly black push-up bra.  So I'm going to be a boring witch.

One more gripe:  I went over to the men's section.  There was NOTHING sexy there.  It's all about comedy for the dudes.  There's couch potato, prisoner, pirate, even cutesy ones like Bert and Ernie, Cookie Monster, a penguin, a spider, it was so wrong.

Happy Halloween, people.


  1. Ummmm yeah. Take it from a Nursing Student. Nothing gets us more than dealing with the hole "Sexy Nurse" idea. I mean really.. when are we sexy? When there's patient's poop smeared all over the nurses hands? When there's vomit in their hair? When we're sticking a thermometer up the old.....oh nevermind! It just bugs me!


  2. A few years ago I bought a men's shirt with the Superman S on it. Put my hair back wore glasses and a blazer over it. I went as SuperMom, in disguise...
    Ps So true about the sexy nurse....never once in my 14 years of working in the hospital did I every see, or feel, or even want to feel is not a job with glamourous glamour...

  3. I think you should go as a tube of toothpaste again. You did that in junior high one year I think. It was awesome!


  4. I usually dress up for the boys school party, so none of those would be appropriate....LOL! I usually wear a long black dress with or without wings, fake nails and spray my crazy hair with some sort of glitter....ha! I don't even know what to call my "character" when people ask.....The boys are doing Harry Potter characters this year and they are so excited! :)