Monday, October 10, 2011

Another Confession Session

When I started writing this thing, I swore to myself I was going to be honest with it.  So I am actually a bit nervous about this post.

Yesterday I cleaned.  I really did.  And I didn't finish.  I was pretty much gone from my house for almost a month.  During that time the hubby did really well, but he was very busy, and he was pretty much treading water the whole time.  Besides, I really do most of the cleaning.  He's got enough to deal with, believe me. So he's not really used to all the little stuff.  So by the time I "moved" back home, it was horrible.  And I've sort of been decompressing over the last couple days, so I hadn't done that much to fix it until yesterday.

I believe that a lot of women are weird about their houses.  I am one of them, and I think there are many, many more of you out there.  I would do almost anything to avoid being seen by anyone in a bikini--actually, I don't have a bikini, so I'll say my underwear.  What I mean is, I am most comfortable when I am disguising my actual physical body with clothing.  Roomy clothing.  Roomy clothing that preferably draws attention to either my face or my shoes.  Does anyone know a style that would draw attention to the person next to you instead?   You get my point.  Anyway, I think that lots of us feel a very similar way about our homes.  When we entertain we clean.  When we entertain with short notice we frantically clean.  There are some people I know who have a cleaning person they hire, and they clean to prepare for the cleaning person.  If we're having another mom over, for some reason we clean even more.  And if the in-laws are coming, it's even worse.  Then, what really shows our crazy is that when the people get there, we will often apologize for how messy our house is, and chuckle nervously.  Never do we say, "sorry the house isn't picture perfect.  I was cleaning like a mad woman for hours before you got here to hide the way I actually live, and I just noticed I missed a Star Wars figure under the couch."  But that's much closer to the truth.  Clearly it's sort of silly, and I wish we could all just relax a little bit.

I am one of those women, and today I am coming clean.  I enjoy cleaning the house.  That in no way means it is clean all the time.  The fact is, there are about four or five days a month, average, when I feel really good about it.  There are about ten days a month when I feel like it could use a pick up and the bathrooms could use a scrub, and about half of the month, I am pretty much insane with stress about how messy the house is, wanting to board it up so nobody can see inside, mumbling constantly about how the kids need to get better about picking up their s__t, and turning off the lights and hiding if I see anyone unexpected coming down the driveway.  I watch Hoarders to feel better about myself, so I can judge those people and think, "how can anyone live like that?", while I shove the pile of crap on the coffee table aside to set down my wine glass.

People, yesterday when I was finishing up cleaning the kitchen, SIL1 called and invited me over for dinner.  Lovely gesture.  But I had been cleaning my kitchen for HOURS.  It shouldn't take that long, but my house had reached such a state that I was determined to do the deep clean.  I told her I was sorry but I really felt a need to continue cleaning, so I could be a nice person again.  She totally understood.  But when I talk to her about cleaning I can tell she doesn't believe me that it gets this messy, since usually I clean before she visits (I bet this sounds familiar), and because I have a touch of OCD.  She told me to take some before and after pictures, and I said I would.  If for no other reason than to prove to her that IT.  DOES.  GET.  THAT.  BAD.  Originally I was trying to think of way to post the pictures on Facebook to her, but I wanted to send them to just her so nobody else would see.  Then I decided to be honest with my lovely readers, and just put them out there.  So I will.  Yesterday I finished two rooms  in my house.  Two.  The kitchen and the dining room.  Some of the other rooms weren't quite as bad, but some were.  I saved the office for today.  It's really bad.  I would have taken a before picture of the kitchen, but remember--she called me as I was finishing it, and so I just took an after.

Deep breath.  So here it is.  Feel free to judge me.

So here's one view of the kitchen.  It's an "after" shot.  It took a very long time to get it done, and if you would be so kind as to notice that I have white floors.  Lots of white floor.  If any of you are thinking of remodeling your kitchen, I highly recommend avoiding white floors.

Here is another view of the kitchen.  I don't usually have fresh flowers all over the place, I'm not that cool.  But they're from my dad's funeral, so thanks dad.

Oooh.  So here's the dining room.  Before.  Do you still love me?


But here's the after!  Much better.  I haven't finished the floors yet, but still...  It's an improvement.

And here, folks, is the office.  This is the project of the morning.  See my beautiful computer on the right side of the picture on the desk?  I'm sitting behind that right now.  In all that crap.  It makes me feel like I can't breathe.

Another view of the office.  Yikes!  I haven't started this yet, I will post after pictures tomorrow, if for no other reason than to redeem myself.

Okay, I have to get to work.  It's time to suit up, turn my music on, and head into battle again.  If you don't hear from me in a few days, send someone in to check on me.

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