Tuesday, August 7, 2012

I'm Completely Mental.

It's a warm summer night.  My porch goes really well with a bottle of Pinot Grigio and my iPad.

Today I went to the zoo.  In the literal sense.  The Minnesota Zoo.  Not my living room.  Or my brain, if you know what I mean.  My chihuahua buddy and I have been planning to go, and I told my kids we'd be going with her and her kids soon, and then she went and ripped off her toenail in a bicycle/sandal wearing incident.  I'm sure it was very graceful, and knowing her, she probably looked very cute even while she was crashing violently.  If I didn't love her so much, I'd hate her for being so darling.  Anyway, that resulted in her not being able to go to the zoo to do all the walking, but my kids were still desperate to go.  So we went.  We have a membership there, so we can go again when she's back on her feet.  Do you hear that, missy?  You're not off the hook....

We picked up A's bestie and met Gramma out there.  It really was a lovely day.

So be proud of me.  I'm keeping up with the whole summer thing.  We did the Science Museum, the County Fair, and the Zoo.  We still need to get to a water park and the batting cages, and then I'll be proudly accepting my "Mother of the Summer" award.  Insert applause.

But seriously, this hot weather is making me nuts.  I am SO ready for the fall.  And the cooler weather.

Today I'm thinking a lot about one of my enemies.  Specifically, the extra 10 (OK, 40) pounds I'm hanging on to.  I haven't been going to the Weight Watchers meetings.  I stopped going for a while for a very valid reason--A had trumpet lessons.  And it was well worth it.  But I'm going on two weeks now since he's been done for the season, and I haven't gone back.  I've missed two meetings for no good reason.  I come up with reasons, of course, but they're not very valid.  I could go.  I haven't stepped on a scale in weeks.  My clothes aren't any tighter, and I don't think I've been putting weight on, but I certainly haven't been taking any off for a while.  And some recent pictures of me that I've seen (posted on Facebook, dammit) are proving the point in painful detail.  It's so brutal.  You know that feeling (I hope), where you're sort of feeling all right about things, and then you see a photo of yourself.  You can't blame it on the lighting or the angle or whatever.  It's the undoctored you.  So there it is.  All of me, out there, for myself and everyone else to see.  Sheesh.

Shudder.  I'm trying not to focus on it too much.  I'm all right.  I'll jump back in, right?  It's not like I don't have enough to think about these days.

There's the whole dang college thing.  Call me crazy, but I'm debating withdrawing from the class I've registered for, and waiting until next term.  I just really don't know what I'm doing, and it's not giving me a good feeling about registering for this semester.  The fact is, I have NO idea what to major in, or if I really care if I finish or not, and it's a heck of a commitment to go back to school.  Especially when I do have a lot going on in my regular life.  It's not like I've decided, "I want to go to school to be a nurse," and so I go to nursing school with a plan to finish and begin a career in nursing.  It's more like I have an itch that I don't know how to scratch and I'm searching for something.  Is that really a wise time to take on college courses?  I don't know.  I have a couple weeks to do some soul searching to figure the whole thing out.  Hubby wants to be supportive, but it's hard for him. Because he's sort of blindly supportive.  I'm in that incredibly fortunate but somewhat frustrating position of having a hubby who just wants me to be happy.  And that's difficult when I really actually am, and cannot figure out why I'm searching for some mysterious "something".  If this is an all-out mid-life crisis, why can't I just fix it by getting a tattoo or learning how to belly dance?  Ugh.

I don't know if I'm really getting close to a break down or if this is just really good wine.  It's going down way too easily.  And the crickets are really loud tonight.  All I know is that right now, in this moment, my life is pretty good.  My hubby rocks.  My kids are amazing.  I love my home, and it needs a lot of attention from me, which I've been too distracted to give it lately.  I have a dog who worships me.  My sister is moving back to town.  I have great friends.  I'm busy.  I have eight years before my oldest kid heads out to college.  So why am I thinking of rocking the boat right now?

School starts four weeks from today.  I will be back in my normal school/football/laundry routine.  I wonder how I will feel then?

By the way, tomorrow I'm going to do a couple REALLY HUGE things--I'm going to get my hair fixed (hopefully) and I'm going to deal with my bedroom.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Thanks for reading, and for being my buddies.  Where would I be without you all?

1 comment:

  1. LMK if you want me to delete any pictures I posted recently of you... LOL =) ... BTW, we'd be happy to do the zoo with you anytime!!! (DH)