The Sands of Time (and Gravity)

A few years ago I noticed that I was getting headaches more often, and that it seemed that they would come on after reading or working on the computer.  I figured it was time to get my eyes checked.  I ended up with glasses.  I have been slightly far-sighted for a long time, but now I needed glasses, and not just to read.  The eye doctor appointment was a little upsetting to me.  You go through the whole process, and I was doubting myself the whole time.  Most of the little comparisons looked exactly the same to me, but I did the best I could.  Afterward, the doctor came up with a prescription for me.  My left eye needed much more correction than my right, and I needed to wear my glasses most of the time, because my right eye was straining from making up for my weak left eye.  He told me that vision often gets more far-sighted as we get older, and I was almost forty, after all.  So he had me hold up the little lenses that would show me the correction, and it was so great--I could see so perfect through them!  Very exciting.  Then he held them up to his own eyes and I sort of quietly freaked out.  He looked like a cartoon character.  His right eye looked pretty normal, but his left eye filled the lens like Professor Trelawney (Harry Potter reference).  Like a big googly eye.  YIKES!  I thought that was what I would look like, and I called Sister-in-Law 2 on the way home, whining out that I was going to have a googly eye and could never wear my glasses in public.  She thought it was hilarious.

The glasses turned out fine--the googly eye is not that noticeable, and I'm very grateful for them now, especially when I'm reading or on the computer!  But I've been noticing so many other sad facts about my now forty-year-old body that I can't correct with glasses.  I noticed my first gray hair a couple weeks ago.  I know, I know, that's not so bad.  Forty's pretty old to notice your first gray hair.  But my family grays very slowly.  And there it was.  I have those age spots on my skin.  Hands, arms, legs.  I think they're called "liver spots".  Ew.  My crow's feet are starting to show even when I'm not smiling, and sometimes I can feel the skin of my eyelids resting on my eyelashes.  WHAT THE HELL IS THAT????  When I sit on the floor for any reason, I can't just bounce up again.  It takes me some doing to get back up, and then I have to stretch out to get my spine and legs working again.  Losing weight is way harder than it used to be, and that's a whole different subject, so.....  I feel like I don't hear as well as I used to, and I don't think it's from the years of drumming anymore.  And my poor, poor boobs.  I thought I escaped the gravity issue there, because after my kids were born they bounced back pretty well.  But I now depend on a pretty sturdy bra to hold them in place, and I can't just put it on anymore.  I actually have to put it on and then scoop the girls into it so they sit in there right.  They don't seem as, well, happy as they used to.  I'm sure you're all happy to know this about me.

"You're only as young as you feel."  Isn't that the saying.  Well, hubby's grandma, Nana, used to tell us how she would look into the mirror and was amazed by how in her mind she felt the same as she did when she was 20, and to see the 90-year old woman looking back at her from the mirror was sort of disappointing.  I am starting to know how she feels.  I'm still the same dork that I was when I was 20.  I'm twice that now, and it shows.  But at least I still feel like me.  I still listen to my music and dance around when nobody can see me, I still make faces at myself in the mirror, I still love the same kind of movies and television.  The things about me that have changed are things I'm happy with.

When I turned 30, I was pregnant.  I remember thinking how happy I was to turn 30, that it was a new beginning.  A new baby, new focus on my family, kissing good bye to my 20's and all the mistakes I made then.  When I turned 40, I was happy about it.  I figured each new decade is a chance to start a new game.  My goal this decade is to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin, and to take some chances.  Writing this blog is taking a little chance.  Letting you all (the few of you that are reading this) into my brain is a little scary, but it's been so healthy for me so far!  I also want to wear more cute hats.  And learn how to walk in heels.  And get my kids through school in one piece.  Holy crap they will graduate during this decade!!!!  AM I REALLY THAT OLD?????